Still at home. I'm trying to figure out how I can change my life. What can change my life? What am I willing, and wanting to change? What are some things that I don't want to change? Do you ever feel like you can barely concentrate on anything because they are too many thoughts in your head; questions that just keep coming back? Well, I know I need a change. So, you might be noticing something maybe a little different about me. What that is, well even I don't know yet. Maybe I will begin to listen more. Maybe I will laugh more, even though I'm pretty sure I laugh enough for the both of us. I want to focus on others more than myself. I want to be so consumed but love and loving others that everything else is just a blur, instead of the other way around.
I want to live to the complete fullest... and right now I'm barely living.
Advice: Do something different today. Change something.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Put in a movie...
So, I finally got home around 11:00 p.m. I ate, put in a chick flick, cried a bit... ok well cried a lot, and relaxed. I'm home. I haven't been able to say that for a while. I am so emotional, and I always try to cover it up with a tough response or a fake reaction. It's about 2 in the morning and now I am going to go sleep in MY bed... and wake up around noon.
Like always, I have some advice. Put in a favorite movie... and cry. Call a friend you haven't talked to for a while... Surprise someone. Do something you love. LOVE
Like always, I have some advice. Put in a favorite movie... and cry. Call a friend you haven't talked to for a while... Surprise someone. Do something you love. LOVE
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Go where you call home...
I left town Friday night. Me and Debs were stressed out and left. That seems to be my move when I get frustrated or upset. I leave. I have no idea what exactly I am stressed out about. My life seems to be like a crazy roller coaster, and one that I can't control. I think being in control feels so good right now. But lately, I have been realizing that I am hardly ever in that seat. Giving up total control, especially with my life, has been rough. I never know what's going to happen. It used to be exciting, like my life was one big adventure, but now I'm starting to freak out a bit.
So, I left town. I had a pretty peaceful Saturday and just chilled out. But, right when I got back, back into my life here.. I felt the familiar stress. Right when that happened I wanted to go home and be with my family. I didn't want to be an adult anymore. I wanted to run, flee, do anything but deal. So, tonight I have a birthday party to go to, and when that ends I'm going home. I can't wait either. I just need more time away.
So, my advice for the day is deal with your problems. Don't hide them for a while and then explode. But, when you find some free time in your life. Get away. Take a break. Go where you call home.
So, I left town. I had a pretty peaceful Saturday and just chilled out. But, right when I got back, back into my life here.. I felt the familiar stress. Right when that happened I wanted to go home and be with my family. I didn't want to be an adult anymore. I wanted to run, flee, do anything but deal. So, tonight I have a birthday party to go to, and when that ends I'm going home. I can't wait either. I just need more time away.
So, my advice for the day is deal with your problems. Don't hide them for a while and then explode. But, when you find some free time in your life. Get away. Take a break. Go where you call home.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Roll down the windows...
So, I decided my blog would be total randomness. This week has been crazy. I feel like it was just Friday yesterday. Friday nights are awesome. I go to a college ministry and I love being there. It's great to feel comfortable, especially when I don't get that too often.
I'm leaving town tonight with my friend. It has been way too long since I have just left. I might as well take advantage of that now, before I have too many responsibilities. When I was younger I couldn't wait until I was older. 16, 18, 21.. It didn't matter to me as long as I could be old. What the heck was I thinking. I love being on my own, which actually surprises me. But, I regret hurrying everything. I'm 20, and I feel like my life has been one quick rush.
Turning 2o did something to me... It's weird and I can't describe it. I just see things differently. I don't necessarily think it came with age, I have just been avoiding things in my life. Especially growing up.
Ok, well here is my advice for the day..
It's the weekend. Relax. Spend time with the ones you love, and cherish that you have love in your life. Go for a drive. Roll down the windows, turn up the music.. and LIVE.
I'm leaving town tonight with my friend. It has been way too long since I have just left. I might as well take advantage of that now, before I have too many responsibilities. When I was younger I couldn't wait until I was older. 16, 18, 21.. It didn't matter to me as long as I could be old. What the heck was I thinking. I love being on my own, which actually surprises me. But, I regret hurrying everything. I'm 20, and I feel like my life has been one quick rush.
Turning 2o did something to me... It's weird and I can't describe it. I just see things differently. I don't necessarily think it came with age, I have just been avoiding things in my life. Especially growing up.
Ok, well here is my advice for the day..
It's the weekend. Relax. Spend time with the ones you love, and cherish that you have love in your life. Go for a drive. Roll down the windows, turn up the music.. and LIVE.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Fly the plane...
Life as I know it.. I was talking to my mom today and I said, "thanks for listening to my horrible life and my problems". Are you serious? Did that actually come out of my mouth. I have everything that I could ever need plus more. I take everything for granted. Will I ever be thankful? It has been a rough week, but I look around me and take in everything that's happening. My great friend, Jessica, has just been notified that her grandma has less than a week to live. Yet, I'm sitting here complaining about the dumbest things. My favorite Romanian is sitting with no parents, and yet has the biggest smile on her little face. 4,500 kids will die today from water related diseases.. today.. 4,500 kids. And I'm crying because no one needs me. Get over it. I know people need me, I just like to throw pity parties for myself. So called parties that I don't deserve.
Yesterday when me and Jess went to the hospital, this older man, probably 60ish started talking to me. He was at the hospital visiting his wife, and I wondered about his life story. Soon, he began to tell me. He had been all over the world. He was in the military and started a family and struggled to find work. He seemed just to love to have someone to listen, and I was grateful to be needed. He gave me great advice on life, and it made me just slow down for some reason. I looked at this man and listened to what he was saying. I was amazed to hear of his life, and of his trials. We began to talk about careers and I told him I won't be fulfilled to live an average life and work a 9-5 job. He followed that with a story. Right when he was released from the military he told me that he wanted to buy some land and a plane. He wanted to take the plane and just fly it all around his land. He had a family and he said he would be content with living simple. He would go out and get food and supplies when needed. But, he didn't. He went from job to job, and tried to make the best life he could for his family. I could tell he wondered what life would be like if he would have bought that plane.
I want to fly the plane. I want to live life to the absolute fullest. Every moment, I want it to be complete. My life is full of blessings, now I need to repay and bless.
Fly your plane. Live out your dreams. Don't regret.
Yesterday when me and Jess went to the hospital, this older man, probably 60ish started talking to me. He was at the hospital visiting his wife, and I wondered about his life story. Soon, he began to tell me. He had been all over the world. He was in the military and started a family and struggled to find work. He seemed just to love to have someone to listen, and I was grateful to be needed. He gave me great advice on life, and it made me just slow down for some reason. I looked at this man and listened to what he was saying. I was amazed to hear of his life, and of his trials. We began to talk about careers and I told him I won't be fulfilled to live an average life and work a 9-5 job. He followed that with a story. Right when he was released from the military he told me that he wanted to buy some land and a plane. He wanted to take the plane and just fly it all around his land. He had a family and he said he would be content with living simple. He would go out and get food and supplies when needed. But, he didn't. He went from job to job, and tried to make the best life he could for his family. I could tell he wondered what life would be like if he would have bought that plane.
I want to fly the plane. I want to live life to the absolute fullest. Every moment, I want it to be complete. My life is full of blessings, now I need to repay and bless.
Fly your plane. Live out your dreams. Don't regret.
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